Dana Theus, Principal, Magus Consulting
Personal Power (InPower) is not something we’re born with, it’s something we master – like learning to balance on one foot – as we progress on our journey to lead change in the world. First we master it for ourselves, and then we use it as we work with others, helping them access it personally and in group, together applying it in combination with external power to change the world for the better.
InPower is not easy to see, like external power is, but it is easy to feel. Lucky for us, we humans were given some sure-fire indicators of when we are in and out of our personal power to help us diagnose and correct our InPower stance. Most of these indicators are emotional, but before we can master our emotions and what underlies them, we must learn to read the signs of emotional reactions and biases we may not even be aware that we have. Why? Because although we may not be aware of them, we telegraph them constantly to those around us, and thus others are often even more aware of our emotional state than we are. This is by definition an out-of-power place to be in.
Our internal understanding of ourselves, affirmed or enhanced by others’ reactions to us, are key indicators our state of InPower balance – or wobble.
Language is an indicator of your InPower stance
Words and language have many gifts to give us in addition to the ability to communicate with each other. We use language to communicate with ourselves, too, interpreting the sensory and emotional impressions of our reality. When you catch yourself talking to yourself, this is often what you’re doing – processing your reality. Unless you talk to yourself at the expense of others, it’s completely normal and good. And, if you pay attention to your language, it will provide you insight and power over your subconscious InPower stance. As you practice obtaining and maintaining InPower balance, your language – internal and external – will begin to shift and change, becoming not just an indicator, but a source of your power.
But first you must learn to “hear” yourself from an InPower perspective and listen for your InPower and out-of-power voice. In another post we’ll talk about what you are saying, but for now, just learn to listen to how you are saying it.
Power Words
When you speak – to yourself or to others – your choice of words can quickly tap you into your current power stance. Power vocabulary is positive, specific and declarative. Out-of-power words arepassive, imprecise and qualifying. Here are some examples:
| POWER WORDS | OUT-OF-POWER WORDS |
| I am | I think I am, I will try to be |
| I will | I should, I could |
| Bring this back to me by Tuesday | (nothing) or Send it back soon |
| We will | We won’t, maybe, how about if |
As a side benefit, positive speech - especially self-talk – helps reduce stress so you get a two-fer!
Language is an easy-to-use women’s power tool
Language is an important indicator of everyone’s InPower stance, but it may be especially important for women. A book by Dr. Judith Baxter, The Language of Female Leadership, recently examined language in senior executive and boardroom meetings for power patterns. While the study was looking specifically at differences between how women and men use language, the trend it picked up on was women’s tendencies towards out-of-power speaking. Specifically the study identified a specific type of out-of-power language, “double-voice discourse,” which is used by both sexes but more frequently used by women leaders. As reported in the Financial Times’ Women at the Top blog, double-voice discourse occurs when the speaker prejudges the audience’s response and qualifies their initial statement accordingly. “Correct me if I’m wrong…” is an example of this.
From a four million word sample, Dr. Baxter found that women were four times as likely to use double-voice discourse than their male counterparts. Ladies, this looks like a simple fix, doesn’t it? Watch your language and gain back as much as four times your power.
Dana, Excellent post as always. Trying to be politically correct, I'm guilty in meetings of saying, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but..." will watch to curb this one! Jonena
Posted by: Jonena Relth | February 13, 2012 at 02:36 PM